I Can Hold It No Longer

A fellow missionary friend posted a blog on her site that brought me to tears.  No not the sad ones, the ones that come from laughing way too hard.  Her blog post was titled “I need to go to the Bathroom”.  You should check it out, men and women both.  Women will laugh so hard you cry and men won’t get it at all but it’s worth reading. Her site is http://lilesfiles.blogspot.com.  Becky, I hope you don’t mind! It’s just too good to keep a secret! 

 

As a missionary in a foreign country, there are many things that stand out as different than home.  Here in Indonesia, the bathroom is one of the hardest to get used to.  I tend to wait as long as humanly possible before using the public restrooms here but inevitably, every time I’m in town it hits me.  You know the thing everyone hates to get when in a foreign country but no one can avoid.  Ok so we all know what I’m talking about. 

 

When I’ve reached the point where either I go use the facilities or loose it, I check my purse. There is no toilet paper here so I always carry with me a small package of tissues just for this purpose.  Ok, so they’re there…B-line to the bathroom.  Oh, wait there is never one in the store, and if they do have one nearby, it’s not where you’d expect so first you have to ask someone where it is, but of course the words slip your mind cause you can’t just say “Where’s the bathroom?” You have to remember what that is in Indonesian and because you are about to explode, it slips your mind.  Oh, yes, “Kamar Kechil?”  They point with their whole hand in a very non-distinct direction, (because it’s rude here to point directly) and you are left guessing and hoping your nose will lead you there before it’s too late. 

 

Finally you find it and you get in line, oh wait they don’t know what a line is.  Whoever can get to it first gets it.  But at the same time, “please don’t push” that would be rude.  So you stand in front of a stall hoping no one else is quicker than you and when the door opens you step in, barely letting the girl coming out pass by.  You shut the door, yes they do have those and you are reminded why you waited so long to use the bathroom.  All that is in front of you is a hole in the ground with a porceline basin on top of it and two markers for where your feet are supposed to go.  This completely removes the question, “Do I sit or squat?”  You MUST squat and you’d better have good aim, as the hole is maybe 6 inches in diameter.  Now, it’s not so bad should you ony need to do number one but even with that, you are guaranteed to get wet feet in the process. Thus the second and third items always in my bag are wet wipes and hand sanitizer.  Ok so here you go and remember, this is an emergency, so you’re trying to hurry.

 

Oh, wait you have a purse with you and long pants on.  Ok, sling the bag over one shoulder and under one arm and then let it rest on your back.  Your head is way too close to the floor and you don’t dare let it touch.  So now you not only have to squat so your bum is just above the hole but you now have a bag balancing on your back.  Oh, but first, role your pant legs up past your knees so they don’t get wet. 

 

Ok so you’ve survived the ordeal but when you go to reach for the toilet paper, you remember why you checked your back first before coming to the KK, there is no tissue.  You could, of course use the bucket of water sitting there next to you. It has a ladel in it that every other woman who came before you used to “wash” with – no thank you (oh and by the way, they always use their left hand).  So you reach around behind you while still squatting to retrieve the tissue from your bag. 

 

Now the question is how do I flush?  There is no handy little lever to push with your foot so you are forced to reach into the water bucket afterall, pull out a ladel of water and pour it in.  But because you, the foreigner used paper, it takes 4-5 ladels to flush.  All the while you are praying that you don’t get some weird disease and you become keenly aware of why here in Indonesia no one hands anything to anyone with their left hand or shakes with it or points with it or touches dishes with it, etc.  Ok so now you pull out the wet wipes, wipe your legs, trying not to gag at the thought of why you must do that, pull your pant legs down and the rest up, readjust your bag and open the door.  Meanwhile all the other women in the room that were waiting in line have long since left – they’ve mastered this art! 

 

Once you exit the room your next move is to reach in your bag, while touching as little inside as possible, and take out the hand sanitizer.  As you pour it into your hand, you wonder if there is a limit to how much you can use and just to be sure, you reapply 3 times.  Don’t take your chances that the stuff might not work the first time!  As you walk back to the store, your legs are throbbing from squatting like that for so long but you must keep going.  Just keep moving and put the whole experience behind you. 

 

Thank you Becky for the inspiration to get this on paper,, before I forget that it’s not normal.  No wait, that will NEVER happen!!